We live in a golden age of activism. These petitions exemplify not only our power to create change, our overconfidence in our democratic systems, and our proclivity towards manufactured outrage.
Above all else, these weird petitions prove that humans should not be trusted with decision-making power of any kind.
Daily, tens of thousands of human citizens band together to defeat the most monstrous of all causes. From Megakota to dictionary modifications, view the best of humanity’s innovation as told to you by weird petitions on Change.org.
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Organizer: Brandon Craine
Cause: “This issue is pretty self-explanatory. The injustice of having only Head & Shoulders, but not Knees & Toes has gone unnoticed for too long, but I say no more.
After this revolutionary product hits the shelf, we also expect Eyes & Ears & Mouth & Nose face wash. This is a duty that Procter & Gamble, and our president, has to the American people.
Please, my fellow citizens, help me change the foundation on which our follicles grow and by which our skin is moisturized. With your help, we can end the injustice of the segregation of our lower body.”
“If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.” -Albert Einstein
Organizer: Michael Gallo
Cause: “The people in support of this petition move that the use of the word ‘yerp’ should be dedicated to replacing the use of the word ‘phone,’ as it is a commonly used noun, and ‘yerp’ has been deemed an entertaining word to use according to a general consensus. #YesToYerp #YerpMovement #ILoveMyYerp”
3. Petition: “Change the Name of ‘Fire Ants’ to ‘Spicy Boys'”
“There is only one thing stronger than all the armies of the world: and that is an idea whose time has come.” -Victor Hugo
Organizer: User rhys buyE•MO•TIONonitunes, whose avatar is a gerbil
Cause: Not Printable
4. Petition: To Abolish Use of the Word ‘Ma’am’
“The task of an activist is not to negotiate systems of power–it’s to dismantle those systems.” -Lierre Keith
Organizer: Mary Brierly
Cause: “Women all over are silently getting their feelings hurt [by] this awful and gross-sounding word. There are some women who do not mind this word … If we end usage of this word, they will likely not miss it, and the rest of us will be spared. Thank you for your time and thoughtful manners.”
5. Petition: “Merge South and North Dakota into MegaKota”
“Principles don’t have borders.” – Alisha Rai
Organizer: Dillan Stewart
Supporters: 17,091 and counting
Cause: “I think it’d be pretty cool to have a state called MegaKota so yeah.”
6. Petition: “Make a fork emoji”
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” ―
Organizer: Jack *Not Printable*
Cause: “There is no fork emoji. Let’s change that.”
7. Petition: Shut Down Change.org
“When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.” ―Friedrich Nietzsche
Organizer: John Doe
Supporters: Sadly, 6
Cause: “I’m tired of hearing about people starting a change.org petition for every damn little thing.”
Recipient: “all the politicians”
Are you inspired? Because you should be. Humanity is doing big things. If you’ve ever created (or now feel inspired to create) a weirdly specific Change.org petition that you personally find slightly amusing, feel free to submit it for further consideration to our team of Weird Internet Specialists. And while you’re at it, throw us a like on Facebook.